I’m now convinced Castro will outlive us all. He’s apparently going to give his first interview since he got sick and was hospitalized.
I was hoping that a conspiracy theory would evolve that Castro was really dead, and they were just hiding the evidence of his death from the press. It was going to be the basis of a film script I want to option – Weekend at Castro’s – which centers around the hi-jinks of a pair of ne’er do well party members assigned to keep evidence of Castro’s death a secret during an important state visit. Hilarity ensues.
Doesn’t that sound like a good movie? Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to wait a little longer.
5 thoughts on “I can’t believe he’s still alive”
Reminds me of a joke from the 80’s:
Q: Why did Brezhnev make all those foreign visits but Andropov always stayed at home?
A: Brezhnev ran on batteries but Andropov had to be kept plugged into the mains.
To be honest? I cant imagine a world without Castro. He was around when my great-grandparents were born. He survived more assasination attempts than James Bond. Sometimes I get the sneaking suspicion he will outlive my children.
This plays perfectly into my ur-Conspiracy-Theory: major world leaders are being stealthily replaced by animatronic puppets made and controlled by Jim Henson’s Creature Workshop, incorporating reverse-engineered alien technology from the Roswell crash site.
Or how about this: Castro gives the longest and msot boring speech yet, a speech so boring that it damages nthe brains of millions of Cubans. But the damage is not done at random; they develop Capgras’ syndrome, and insist that Castro has been replaced by an impostor.
Now, the race is on while millions of devoted Cubans try to protect Castro for millions of devoted Cubans who think the real Castro has been kidnapped but the fake Castro (who is actually the real Castro)!
All of Castro’s speeces have been deadly especially if you can get most of the Cuban Spanish. Castro’s major accomplishment, apart from the destruction of the Cuban economy and once splendid architecture was to make sure Meyer Lansky and Lucky Luchiano never returned especially after Castro destroyed the entertainment and gambling industries as anti-proletarian (only to bring them back in recent years because of the need for hard currency). Castro’s other great accomplishment was to send a flock of Cuban atheletes and musicians running to the U.S. And lastly, Castro has shown how great 1956 Chevys and Fords are–they are still running. If Castro ever does disappear (much as did the Fascist Franco from Spain–Franco is still dead is he not?), those cars will be worth their weight in gold.
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