Denialism

The Joys of the Skymall Catalog

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by

Chris
in

I just returned from a wonderful trip to Turkey and London, and the flight gave me the opportunity to spend hours with one of my favorite diversions, the Skymall Catalog. Admit it! You look at this thing full of wonders, and wonder who in the world buys them!

i-49c0612e28d87b7ed4ef2006815eece3-bogus.jpgCheck out this whopper: the “Aculife Therapist Deluxe.” For a mere $179.95 you can “Help strengthen your health with the latest ancient technology.” Yes, the latest ancient technology!

It continues: “Otzi, a 5,000 year old mummy found in the Alps during 1991, has spurred a whole new vigor into modern research of the Ancient Chinese medical practice of acupuncture. Recent examinations of the mummy found that Otzi has a number of tattoos that coincide with acupuncture points that would be used to treat various ailments from which he was suffering.” And Otzi was really sick! Looks like he needed help with “livers,” coffee-ground vomitus, and gynecological problems.

So, what does this thing do? It, “send[s] a signal to the operator when a qi point that needed stimulation was touched and (2) could be switched to another setting that would pass a light electrical pulse into the point that required stimulation.”

Brilliant! Sign me up.

Comments

  1. PalMD

    If Otzi knew so much how come he died alone on a fucking mountain?

    Reply
  2. Egaeus

    In its defense, Skymall actually does have one or two things worth buying. For instance, last year they had the complete works of Bach and Mozart for ~$150 each. That’s less than $1/CD. I was dumbfounded, since other collections approach or even exceed $1000. It’s produced by a European outfit called Brilliant Classics, and is a mix of new and licensed recordings. It’s apparently done for the love of the music, because I don’t see how they make much profit. I bought the Bach one (Mozart will come after I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Bach), and it’s the best $130 I’ve ever spent on Amazon.

    But like you, most of the time I wonder who would buy that useless crap, and that’s appallingly more useless than most Skymall crap.

    Reply
  3. SES

    If Otzi knew so much how come he died alone on a fucking mountain?

    I think the evidence shows that he was murdered by an arrow in the back.

    What is more puzzling is the question of how he had gynecological problems.

    Reply
  4. Chris H.

    >What is more puzzling is the question of how he had gynecological problems.

    Or coffee-colored vomitus, for that matter!

    Reply
  5. Lab Lemming

    Funny, when the Europeans brought his teeth into our lab for trace elemental analysis a few years back, gynecological coffee was not actually at the top of their research agenda…

    Reply
  6. PalMD

    I can come up with lots of decent reasons for coffee-ground emesis in the poor mountaineer…stress ulceration, trauma, etc. The gynecology thing….hmmm…world’s first transgendered explorer?

    Reply
  7. khefera

    I think the evidence shows that he was murdered by an arrow in the back.
    ……….. or as i like to call it, acupuncture malpractice

    Reply
  8. Julie Stahlhut

    Maybe the arrow in the back cured some of his other ailments. You never know.

    Then again, maybe he drank too much clean water and died of a homeopathic overdose.

    Reply

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