Denialism

Skymall Catalog: Innovative Health Bracelet from Vitalzon

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by

Chris
in

Regular readers of Denialism Blog are familiar with my love for the skymall catalog. I just love all the pictures of the kittens and the babes in their homes with gadgets that make their lives better.

i-1feab4979cafad7be6e788fd7bc5e59c-mustache.jpgAnd the quality of marketing, wow! You’d think that the makers of the SkyRest® Travel Pillow could hire a real model and do a professional shoot to advertise their highly efficacious and most excellent product! This picture looks like it was shot in-flight and they didn’t even have time to find a model without a mustache!


i-ccc1b29f88b66ebb07230d05a94c2175-scam.jpgToday I write to share with you the Innovative Health Bracelet. This thing increases your protection against harmful waves! Yes, harmful waves are out to get you, and you might experience them near a microwave, your office, when you use a cell phone, and when you golf and run. The nice thing about this bracelet is that you can have it inscribed with a diamond-encrusted cross, as an offering to Christ. And it includes medical magnets! Only $79.95. Call now!


i-f4f97a616185cd9a7c1f794e6bc64f7d-face.jpg

My favorite part of this ad is the “MEASUREMENT OF BODY HEAT TEST.” What, exactly, is meant by the results of this “test?” From a lawyer’s perspective, it appears that your head becomes frozen during the use of a mobile phone. No worries with the Innovative Health Bracelet, because “with product” your face becomes red and healthy again!

Comments

  1. HP

    it appears that your head becomes frozen during the use of a mobile phone

    Could this explain why motor vehicles experience a significant reduction in velocity whenever the driver activates a cell phone?

    Perhaps the freezing of the head causes the driver’s right leg to contract, reducing the displacement of the accelerator and thereby slowing down the vehicle.

    Reply
  2. minimalist

    Cell phone paranoia seems to be an increasingly popular bit of woo.

    This series of videos has been a favorite of mine for a while, not just for the EMF paranoia and the creepy head-twitching, but also for the way this guy absolutely slaughters basic cell bio. His description of microtubules in part 1, and of mRNA in part 3, are highlights.

    This guy also happens to sell little magic bits of plastic ($80 a pop!) that are supposed to make your head feeeze too, so these guys are all obviously cribbing from one another. It’s pretty funny but depressing at the same time.

    Supposedly there are “electro-sensitive” people who claim to get horrible migraines, dizziness spells, and suchlike in the presence of wi-fi and whatnot, but of course double-blind experimentation has failed to find any effect. It doesn’t stop the parasites from trying to take advantage of these people, of course.

    Reply
  3. minimalist

    sorry, “…that are supposed to make your head freeze”

    Reply
  4. bi — IJI

    These “Innovative Health Bracelets” are obviously a scam. The proper way to protect the body against Harmful Waves is to wear a tinfoil hat.

    — bi, International Journal of Inactivism

    Reply
  5. Michael Paul Goldenberg

    The thing I enjoy is seeing the evolution (ahem) of the sorts of crud that show up in these catalogs over time, thinking back to the ones we got when I was a kid in the ’50s, as well as the really cool stuff in the back of comic books from that era. Let’s face it: who DIDN’T want a pair of X-ray specs? Unfortunately, I was not possessed of much in the way of disposable income as a lad, nor did I have the sort of parents who would indulge my incipient lust for either gadgets or girls. I suppose I might have compensated by being an inveterate customer of the Sky Mall catalog, but even when they have something I think might be useful, it’s always absurdly overpriced. I can get X-ray specs for MUCH cheaper elsewhere.

    Reply
  6. Ren

    The cross does offer protection… From vampires.

    Reply
  7. The Chemist

    I’m sorry, am I the only person on the planet who understands the concept: Non-ionizing radiation.

    If you’re going to tell me radio waves can do that, then why shouldn’t we avoid refrigerator magnets?

    People don’t understand that (and feel free to jump in if I’m wrong) radio waves intersect us whether or not we choose to receive them on our cell phones. The guy talking to his wife about their intimate details doesn’t have a radio gun pointed at him. There’s a steady signal emanating in the general area from a cell tower that get a little stronger during a call. If you are in the vicinity of that tower, whether or not you own a cell phone, that steady signal is going to intersect your body.

    Finally, radio waves at high power heat things up, not cool things down. Even then the power levels have to be way above what we use for telecommunications.

    Can I get an Amen? Damn! Where’s a physicist when you need one?

    Reply
  8. Radioactive afikomen

    @The Chemist:

    They’re all off reading Skymall catalog!

    Reply
  9. LanceR

    @The Chemist:

    Amen! Can I get a hallelujah! Non-ionizing radiation is (normally) harmless! You could possibly get a bad burn from getting too close to a high-powered transmitter, but “too close” is measured in inches, not yards.

    Thank you!

    Reply
  10. azqaz

    OK. Two things…

    As to the use of tinfoil hats, you have to make sure that it is real tin foil. Aluminum foil was invented so that the aliens, government, and woo meisters could freeze our brains since it doesn’t work like real tin foil.

    Secondly, you’ve been holding out on us PalMD. Where are your posts on the “medical magnets”? See, they are “medical” magnets, so they MUST have something to do with medical doctors and medical science! Why I’ve been paying good money for medicine from the healthfood shop and real tin foil all these years for my non-ionizing radiation poisoning when I could have had “medical magnets”. You doctors must hate all of us patients! I blame Big Pharma and all those heartless research scientists whose science don’t agree with my opinion! 😉

    Reply
  11. azqaz

    Oops. Sorry, Chris H. I should pay better attention. I didn’t notice that it was your post and not PalMDs. That said… I still want to know why I’ve never heard of medical magnets from my M.D. 🙂

    Reply
  12. Chris H.

    @azqaz, obviously, your doctor is in cahoots with big pharma, and would rather sell you unnatural chemicals than all natural magnets.

    Reply
  13. azqaz

    I knewd it. It’s a conspiracy. 😉

    Honestly, how do people swallow the tripe in those ads? Worse, how can the advertiser get away with using terms like “medical magnets” and “supported with scientific research”? They are both utter lies and there are others too numerous to list, but those just galled me the most. The worst is that there are people who believe these ads and buy this landfill material. I guess the next step will be the improved model with toxin absorbtion pads.

    Reply
  14. Melissa G

    I would like an innovative health bracelet of my own– a med-alert tag saying “Allergic To Complementary and Alternative Medicine.”

    Reply

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