Denialism

Generation Self-Esteem

—

by

Chris
in

The Wall Street Journal continues its campaign against Generation Y with an article by Jeff Zaslow that tries to explain why so many young people act with such a sense of entitlement. It pins the blame on, among other things, California, indulgent parenting, and consumer culture. But I suspect that the culprit is the last one listed: the self-esteem movement.

The self-esteem movement. In 1986, California created a state task force on self-esteem. Schools nationwide later adopted “everybody’s a winner” philosophies. One teacher told me that her superiors advised her to tell students that she liked their smiles, or the way they sat up straight, rather than focusing on, say, their failed spelling tests.

Yes, it’s important for kids to like themselves. But many readers long for some balance. One California woman wrote that her grandchildren are being raised on “self-esteem babble.” This year, her grandson wanted to play trumpet in the school talent show, but hardly practiced. Every note he played was wrong, yet he thought he was “awesome.”

For what it’s worth, I have noticed that some younger students absolutely cannot take criticism of their work (not Berkeley students, of course!). They look at you like you’re crazy when a critique is given, and at some level, you can sense that they are so shocked by criticism that they simply don’t listen. I’m worried about them, because when their mediocrity is displayed before a judge, they are going to be yelled at. I, at least, give them constructive criticism, in a private environment that’s tempered with some praise…

Zaslow reports that some institutions are trying to deal with this:

Some colleges are also combating young people’s sense of entitlement. At Loyola University Chicago’s Graduate School of Business, Mary Burns teaches a course modeled after her book “Entitled to What? A Reality Check for the Generation Entering Corporate America.”

A reality check is needed. If society at large accepts this mediocrity, it could corrupt our culture.

Comments

  1. daedalus2u

    When you look for the bottle neck, look at the top of the bottle.
    So the reason the President can’t take the slightest bit of criticism for policies that have failed and failed badly, because Mr Bush is emulating Mr Rogers?
    FEMA’s response to Katrina was a disaster because Mr Bush was too much like Mr Rogers?
    Cheney can’t tolerate oversight because he watched too much of Mr Roger’s neighborhood?
    Gonzales can’t tell the truth to Congress because it would hurt his self-esteem?

    Yes, it’s important for kids to like themselves. But many readers long for
    some balance. One California woman wrote that her grandchildren are being raised
    on “self-esteem babble.” This year, her grandson wanted to play trumpet in the
    school talent show, but hardly practiced. Every note he played was wrong, yet he
    thought he was “awesome.”
    At the show, so many acts were horrible, though the
    kids seemed proud, the grandmother wrote. “One child had real talent, but my
    grandchildren couldn’t see past their own self-absorption to even recognize
    it.”
    There are remedies, if adults are willing to model good behavior. Syd
    Corbett, a teacher in Ocala, Fla., says he keeps reminding students:
    “Self-esteem comes from the self doing something worthy of esteem.”

    How about giving any fool idea a “pass” if it is call a “religious belief”? Denying reality the way the WSJ editorial page does has real consequences.

    This is one of them.

    The “fact” is, the opinions of uneducated journalists and talking heads is not equal to that of scientists who have studied the subject for decades.

    The expression “money talks”, is not a statement about scientific accuracy.

    Reply
  2. Bronze Dog

    That’s certainly one thing I can agree with.

    Something I’d like to see more of in some of my entertainment: Heroes who start out as “nobodies.” Too many plots rely on the characters being innately special in some way and relying on that to keep things going.

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  3. krisztian pinter

    it is a shortsigthedness. of course it is good for someone’s mental health to get encouraging. but getting only positive feedback turns people to really sick animals. consider all the totalitarian dictators. sure, eating sugar is sweet, but dying at age 45 due to overweight is not that sweet. who wants such future for his/her own child?

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  4. Wes

    Avoiding criticism for fear of hurting people’s feelings always annoyed me. Of course there are times when general politeness would require you refrain from commenting. But some people seem to want to extend this principle to cover almost all of human discourse.

    I think it’s good to offer a little harsh criticism from time to time. Even outright mockery and derision has its place (and, of course, there are also places where it’s not appropriate). It jars people out of their complacency and keeps them on their toes. People who think “It’s offensive” is an acceptable counterargument to any criticism are bullshit artists.

    Although, I must admit that it’s a commonality in all ages that older people complain about younger people. “Them young folk think we old people owe them the world. Why, back in my day gra gra gra gra…” I’m always a little skeptical of the “Look how worthless our young folk are” arguments. Sure, society and technology have changed a lot, and kids today often do have it easier in certain things than kids a generation or two ago. There are also new pressures on them, though, which kids in the past didn’t have to deal with. But lots of things stay the same, too. It’s not like no one ever erroneously felt entitled before 2007 or anything.

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  5. Emmett

    I’m so grateful to daedalus2u for pointing out the behavior of our current teens is ALSO the responsibility of G.B. and the horrible editorialists at the WSJ.

    I would have expanded the article far beyond our current crop of teens. Having recently been assigned to a location somewhere north of Los Angeles I would strongly argue that I found the adults who raised these teens.

    And somewhere in the blame throwing we forgot to mention Starbucks, a bunch of lousy capitalists who institutionalized bad coffee with an order process that makes you feel like you are unactualized if you just want coffee. And then convinced every teen they need a half-caf no-fat-soy-latte for $4.50 on the way to school as they trip over the chairs because the lights aren’t bright enough to wear their Paris sunglasses, and they are not about to take them off.

    But I found the parents who raised them. Watched one refuse to speed up, slow down, or make any accomodation to his lane merging. Watched as he stared at me like it was my job to do something about it. And there lies the rub.

    It isn’t just the teens behavior that grates on us, it is a culture in which no one is responsible for even their own actions. And the corporate thieves are just as bad, except they occasionally get caught. What about the jerk who walks into every store and steps to the front of the line on the theory that “if they let me…”

    I may have to become a conservative, they were the only ones talking about this, and I know the NEA has fought it tooth and nail; I just helped go through the fight for standardized testing in Arizona – 49th in the nation. Who did we fight? The teachers unions, the liberals, the NEA, one talking head expert after another. For years.

    I’m held accountable on my job. Thats why I know tangibly when I am doing well. And it is why airliners don’t fall on your head daily. Thousands of me all contribute. Tough standards, results scrutinized by our peers. And criticised without damaging our egos. But it does improve our work.

    Standards that are not negotiable and have to be met is all we tried to do in Arizona. “A child should know these things after 12 years of education, A. B. C…”. Who would have thought we would end up fighting teachers?

    I may be a conservative and not know it.

    Emmett

    Reply
  6. Infophile

    Something I’d like to see more of in some of my entertainment: Heroes who start out as “nobodies.” Too many plots rely on the characters being innately special in some way and relying on that to keep things going.

    You’re watching too much Eastern entertainment. Western stories of full of nobody-becomes-famous.

    Reply
  7. MarkH

    Daedalus,
    I don’t think this is an editorial page article. Those are usually in the end of the A section.

    Reply
  8. Ted

    Although, I must admit that it’s a commonality in all ages that older people complain about younger people.

    You don’t have to go too far back to hear that speech. Actually it has more meaning when a Gen X gives it.

    Reply
  9. G Felis

    An overdeveloped sense of entitlement (accompanied by utter blindness to one’s own privilege) is an American epidemic – prevalent throughout our culture, with symptoms evident in people of every age group. The only reason that it is slightly more prevalent amongst young people is that a significant minority of sufferers develop partial immunity after life kicks them around a bit, and the more you live the more kicking around you’re likely to take.

    I think blaming the self-esteem movement is a crock: Our collective and distributive sense of entitlement is a lot older than that bit of post-70s education woo. It doesn’t help, I’ll warrant – but I don’t think it’s a major factor.

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  10. Erisian23

    >> tries to explain why so many young people act with such a sense of entitlement.

    What social studies are we citing when we say “so many young people”? How do we know this is out of proportion with older people, for example the current administration, who act with utter disregard for other (and hence, lesser) people? Are we sure this isn’t the case of Pot v. Kettle? Might not the youth plead innocent under the precedent set under “in re Monkey See, Monkey Do”?

    Having 3 children of my own (and another on the way), I’ve given this topic some thought. And I obviously don’t believe the problem is limited to youths – our generation beat them to it. My own conclusion(1) is that disconnects from reality are frighteningly common, occur in both larger (more obvious) and a myriad of smaller ways, and is an inherent aspect of the human condition due to our limited information and the limitations of our sensory organs. It affects all of us. Some days seem to take “forever” and yet it seems like “just yesterday” little Susie was toddler barely able to walk. The limits of our observational abilities handicaps us all, 95% (2) of which is in ways we don’t even see in ourselves.

    I don’t believe the problem with American youth today is accurately stated as “too much self-esteem.” I believe the problem is too little esteem for others. This is an important distinction because you can certainly lower someone’s self-esteem without increasing their esteem for others.

    The completely stupid model I prefer (to avoid confusing the model with reality) is a dozen Esteem Cookies on a plate. The more we eat to sate our own hunger, the less we have to give to our family, friends, and the larger communities we’re part of.

    Fortunately raising children gives ample opportunities to share the principles with the kiddos. In a rare lapse from my usual behavior of making it all up and insisting it’s real, here’s an actual example. My (older) daughter wanted the electronic toy my toddler had, so she took it from him. About half a heart beat later, I was in front of her and asked a simple question: “What is so special about you that he should have to cry so you can be happy?” Pause. No answer. “Give him the ball back and don’t ever make anyone else pay for your happiness again.”

    From there, it’s just repeat to reinforce as often as needed. It’ll still be a few more decades before I find out (assuming I’m still around) if this lesson made its way into my kids’ hearts or not. There is, as always, hope – regardless of how disconnected from reality that may be. 🙂

    Thanks,
    -E

    (1) Definition of “conclusion”: (n) The point at which a person grew tired of thinking and decided to call their present thought the “truth” so they could move on to something else.

    (2) I made this number up. Any similarity or likeness to reality is completely coincidental.

    Reply
  11. daedalus2u

    Mark, you mean this article was considered to be news and not opinion?

    Will they publish any comments trashing it, or would that hurt Jeff Zaslow’s “feelings”?

    Reply
  12. Ted

    Fortunately raising children gives ample opportunities to share the principles with the kiddos. In a rare lapse from my usual behavior of making it all up and insisting it’s real, here’s an actual example. My (older) daughter wanted the electronic toy my toddler had, so she took it from him. About half a heart beat later, I was in front of her and asked a simple question: “What is so special about you that he should have to cry so you can be happy?” Pause. No answer. “Give him the ball back and don’t ever make anyone else pay for your happiness again.”

    That’s just stunting the kid’s development. You might as well be telling her that it’s OK to pet wild animals because they’re furry. (BTW, I can’t resist giving patenting advice since among the many offensive things that I can say/do, calling someone an inadequate parent seems to annoy people the most.)

    I have a number of offspring because for the world couldn’t figure out WHY they kept squirting out. One day someone took me aside and whispered in my ear. I was like… REALLY? So I can actually control the rate they squeeze out? NEAT!

    There’s this religious cult that I belong to, and we have a prayer that we say at dinnertime. We actually recite the Five Commandments.

    1. No one gets out alive.
    2. Someday you’re the bug, and someday you’re the windhsield. It’s pretty random.
    3. Go buy a sense of humor if you have to.

    and the two difficult to remember ones that they speed and mumble through:

    4. I will not lie, cheat or steal or tolorate anyone that does.
    5. I will not obfuscate, equivicate or quibble, or tolorate anyone that does.

    Really, no shit. That prayer makes it’s way around the table. When Colbert asks them to enumerate the Five Commandments, the little shits better know them.

    And when one of them transgresses, I make them read a random article from The Nation and write a report. Okay, so that part is just gratuitious sadism, but you’ve got to have one over the top thing in your childrearing toolbox that proves insanity just in case things ever go terribly, terribly wrong.

    Reply
  13. Blake Stacey, OM

    I dunno how you prove that one generation has a more overbearing “sense of entitlement” than the one before. I haven’t really noticed a difference. Then again, I didn’t know that I was supposed to be a “Millennial”, either, so maybe I’m just too wrapped up in myself to be au courant with generational trends.

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  14. General Woundwort

    Shorter ChrisH:

    “By cracky! Kids these days have no respect! The world is going to hell in a handbasket, I tells ya! When I was a kid, we had to walk five miles to school. In the snow. Uphill. Both Ways. And we were grateful!

    Now, get off my lawn, ya whippersnappers!”

    Reply
  15. bigassbelle

    I don’t know, you wouldn’t have to go too far to find a greater sense of entitlement than that evident in Dick Cheney and his underpresident, George Bush. Along with G. Felis, I am doubtful this is entirely an issue for a single self-esteem-immersed generation. It seems to be a pervasive American attitude and one especially prevalent, perhaps, in groups with a higher socioeconomic status, regardless of their generation.

    Reply
  16. myshkin

    I have anecdotal evidence for a higher sense of entitlement among gen y:
    I originally attended college at the normal age do to so in 1990 and the relationship between student and professor was the traditional one. We students accepted the criticism, grades, and direction of the professors and would never dare to challenge these things outside of a private begging session in the professor’s office. I quit school after a year.

    When I returned to the same school to finish my degree in the late 90’s, I was amazed at the difference in attitude of the other students– only a few years younger than me.
    Now, any criticism from professors was immediately challenged– not because the criticism was wrong, but because it was “unfair”. I heard, more than once, “I can’t get a C on this paper- there’s no way this is a C paper!”
    When asked to defend their paper and show why it wasn’t a C paper, the student’s answer is “I’ve never recieved a C on a paper in my life– I’m not a C student.”

    The craziest part was that all the other students in the class would nod their heads and back the C paper student up. This logic made complete sense to them!
    Students tried to recruit me to take part in efforts to remove professors because they demanded rigor in their classroom rather than accept whatever garbage was turned in.
    People actually said, in class, out loud, “You HAVE to pass me because I’m paying you to be here and I need to be able to get a good job when I graduate.”

    Talk about entitlement.

    Reply
  17. L6

    We had to take yearly “self-esteem tests” in high school. So lame.

    Reply
  18. MarkH

    Daedalus, I just didn’t think it deserves the automatic scorn as those that are under the purview of the WSJ editorial board.

    It only deserves as much scorn as any other opinion piece.

    Reply
  19. Chris H

    All, I’m really sensitive to the “in my day, we walked uphill both ways in the snow to school” bs. I’m a gen Xer. So, I’ve been on the receiving side of the “your generation are a bunch of assholes” for some time. There is something going on here w/ the Ys, however, and Zaslow’s article just doesn’t make the argument well. I’ll do another post with better information soon. C

    Reply
  20. ebohlman

    It seems to me that what’s really going on here is actually low self-esteem being accidentally introduced by programs that are intended to raise it. One of the most important characteristics of someone who’s got a high sense of real self-esteem is that he can distinguish between criticism of his work or his ideas and criticism of his person. He thinks that having areas where one needs to improve is a basic part of the human condition, and that trying to improve in those areas is a Good Thing.

    Instead, we seem to be creating people who can’t distinguish between a valid criticism of their output and a personal attack. I have a hunch that postmodernism is partly to blame here, since much PoMo dogma says that you can’t separate the message from the messenger (which is actually a characteristically authoritarian position; plenty of AGW-denialist arguments are nothing but the genetic fallacy, for example), probably through an influence on education majors.

    I suspect another factor is parental overprotectiveness based on media sensationalism and emotional reasoning, specifically the emotional reasoning that confuses scary with dangerous. Parents, for example, are a lot more scared of their kids being kidnapped today than they were 25 years ago, but back then there were considerably more kidnappings and fewer kids, so the real danger has actually dropped significantly. School shootings (defined as incidents where kids are injured or killed by gunfire at school) are actually much less common than they were in the early 90s, but you wouldn’t know that because we use the term too selectively; the vast majority of school shootings have always been one-on-one rather than mass, and the former have dropped dramatically while the latter have increased slightly (similarly, when people hear “workplace homicide” they think “co-worker gone apeshit” rather than “store clerk killed in holdup” even though the latter is what most workplace homicides are). Being excessively worried over (and therefore fussed over) could be contributing to narcissism, as well as fueling an exaggerated sense of vulnerability that leads to an inability to understand the difference between a setback and a disaster, a difficult task and an impossible task.

    Readers might be interested in Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards (and yes, I’m aware that Kohn has some pretty wooish views about ADHD, but they don’t enter into his arguments about praise. Kohn makes the important point that we don’t have a false dilemma between mindlessly praising kids/workers or teaching them that their worth depends on the number of people they triumph over.

    Whew.

    Reply
  21. nightsavior

    The problem is we “teach” young people to lie. It is proven teens on my space assume different identities and give out false information in their blogs to “stay safe”. The problem is that mentality often continues to stay with them beyond their personal journals. It becomes the thought process “It’s ok to lie…so if lying keeps me safe it can also get many anything I want!” Not revealing a phone number or adress is “smart” and is in no way what I mean by being “dishonest”. It is the anoyomity of the internet I speak of which is encouraging generation Y to say anything they want true or untrue because there are no immediate consequences.

    I think the “information highway age” wasn’t entirely good for today’s youth. First it exposed them to predators and when a few bad things happened as a result society clamped down and taught them to distrust “all adults” as well as to tell fibs in order to protect themselves. In my day “a journal” was something you kept private. You didn’t put it up for the masses to see. Likewise there was no need to fear “stalkers” because there were less avenues open to give out personal information. There are likely hackers now that can get whatever private data they desire even if someone is covering their rear.

    Even “arrogance” can be attributed to online because many (but not all) present day teens feel like they have a big audience so it encourages them to “act out” more often to garner recognition and instant popularity.

    Reply

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