Gary Null can kiss mein tuchas

But apparently he’d rather have me fill it with coffee. Really…I mean it. I love coffee, but c’mon now! I can’t stand that this idiot is given time on public television during pledge drives to peddle his woo

Blogging on Peer-Reviewed ResearchI stumbled across a website that goes on and on about the supposed vast conspiracy of the medical community to…well, I’m not sure. Anyway, given that you have to buy Gary Null’s quack tomes to get his advice, it’s hard to know exactly what he is selling. The conspiracy theorist from the above-linked site was kind enough to share some of Null’s secrets (at least they are cited that way:
Cervical Dysplasia, Fibroids, and Reproductive System Cancers. Excerpt from The Woman’s Encyclopedia of Natural Healing by Dr. Gary Null.Seven Stories Press, 1997), so that we all may benefit. Here is an excerpt on cancer treatment, and I warn you, poo-woo abounds:

Coffee enemas. “These enemas have been used by thousands of cancer patients, outside the realm of traditional medical care, because they work.

Ok, where is the proof of that? Here is the proof that they don’t work:

  1. Ernst, E. M.D., Ph.d., F.R.C.P. (Edin). Colonic Irrigation and the Theory of Autointoxication: A Triumph of Ignorance over Science. Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology. 24(4):196-198, June 1997. (Make sure to follow the references to the primary sources).
  2. Green, S. A critique of the rationale for cancer treatment with coffee enemas and diet. JAMA. 1992,Dec 9; 269(13),1635-6.
  3. Alison Reed, Nicholas James and Karol Sikora.Mexico: Juices, coffee enemas, and cancer. The Lancet. Volume 336, Issue 8716, 15 September 1990, Pages 677-678.

Boiled coffee in retention enemas stimulates the liver’s enzyme system, which in turn causes great relief from pain in cancer patients.

There are no studies to support this statement.

The liver has more than a thousand documented medical functions. When we help it to work better and faster, the cancer patient’s overall physiological condition changes, sometimes within hours, and certainly within the first several weeks of treatment. You have a whole different person. People come off gurneys and out of beds, excruciating chronic pain is eased, and addiction to morphine is broken.

Typical woo. Miracles from simple substances. The entire auto-intoxication idea is false (see first article above), as is the idea of the liver needing some sort of help.

Every three minutes, all the blood in our bodies goes through our liver. Our livers and small intestine walls have an enzyme system with a fancy name that we will call GST for short.

Why abbreviate? Does he think you are stupid or is he trying to hide something?

This enzyme system naturally responds to cancer in the body by going up, and the coffee enema has been shown in laboratory experiments with rats, and in later experiments with humans, to produce increased liver bile flow, and to stimulate the GST enzyme system. In fact, it’s raised to 700 percent of normal levels of activity. When the GST system is running that fast, it can effectively remove tumor toxins from the bloodstream. And it doesn’t take very long. The effects of these coffee enemas will last for sometimes four, six, or eight hours before a feeling of discomfort and pain around the tumor returns. They’re that effective.

Actually, the few human articles on cancer and GST showed that it may contribute to cancer’s resistance to chemotherapy. (Theo P.J. Mulder, Johannes J. Manni, Hennie M.J. Roelofs, Wilbert H.M. Petersand Anne Wiersm. Carcinogenesis. Volume 16, No. 3, 1995.) Or, perhaps one form of it helps prevent cell damage in Parkinson’s disease. Or maybe it can be used as a tumor marker. Either way, GST has never been tested as a therapy for anything in humans. (Yes, I actually took the time to do a MedLine search on this.)

Additionally, putting coffee up your ass is not proven to stimulate GST or anything else in the liver…what else might me stimulating about it? Hmm…

You have to know how much coffee to use: a quart of water with three tablespoons of coffee boiled in it. That’s cooled and strained, not filtered, because a filter would remove some of the molecules that stimulate the GST enzyme system. The coffee is safely taken into the colon, while the person is lying on his or her right side, retained for 10 to 15 minutes, and then released. Patients doing this without the supervision of a physician should know that anything cooler than 100 degrees is going to cause cramping in the intestines.

So, basically, if you are watching your local PBS pledge drive, and the charismatic Null recommends his books to you, remember how much good advice they contain. If you have ovarian cancer and pour coffee up your tushie, some guy thinks it will help you. Or at least, it will help him— to buy a boat.